Minsk to Mist

If you are a single woman in your early 30s in London, the dating life can be hard. (and it’s probably worthy of a separate post) Tons of people who are not interested in any sort of commitments, shallow dates, cultural mishaps due to the multinational nature of the city – the list goes on and on!

When you finally manage to meet THE ONE, that’s when the actual fun happens – the fun of figuring out how your life together is going to function despite you coming from completely different backgrounds and cultures and one of you (or both of you!) not speaking the native language of your other half.

Throughout almost four years of my partner and I being together, we had lots of challenges stemming from our cultural differences – all of which we managed to handle, as you can probably imagine. Now that I have listed a few things (here and here) that struck me about life in London – and the UK in general – it is time to reflect on what it feels like for a British fella when he starts dating a girl from a mysterious East Slavic country. If you are from Eastern Europe, feel free to use it as a guide on how to surprise your British friends and loved ones.

1. Eat sweet peas straight from a pod

When I was little and visited my grandma’s garden in summer, I would always pick a few pea pods, rinse them a bit and eat them straight from a pod. The fresh sent of legumes just picked up from a vine, the excitement of opening the pod and seeing how many peas it got, the amazing taste when you put it in your mouth – one of the best childhood memories!

Fast-forward 25 years to my life in London, I ordered some produce from a lovely farm in Kent, with pea pods being among them. When my born-and-bred English partner saw me eating those peas straight from a pod, he was nothing but shocked!

– How can you do that? Is that even safe?

– Of course it is! I’ve been doing it since I was three years old!

Little did he know what would happen next. Given the pods are very sweet (although I doubt they are edible), I folded an empty one and chewed on it for a few minutes. The look on my partner’s face was priceless! 😊

2. Only use marked pedestrian crossings and never cross on red

‘Nope! I’m not doing that! This is illegal, and I’m here on a work visa, so I can’t be up to no good!’ It took my partner a while to persuade me that it’s pretty legal (or at least not illegal) to jaywalk in the UK, as long as you don’t cause an accident. Yet, if I can use a zebra crossing, I will do that. Back in my native country, you can get a serios fine from the traffic police, which comes up out of nowhere, at exactly that only time when you decide to bend the rules a little and cross the road where you wanted to, not where you have to.

OK, that might apply to Belarusians more than to Russians or Ukrainians, because I come from a nation that tends to:

3. Be OCD about following the rules – and tidying/ cleaning stuff up

When massive protests swept across Belarus back in 2020, some people joked around that the streets were cleaner after the protests than they were before. I wasn’t in the country at that time, but I’m pretty sure it’s not a joke at all. Belarusians are maniacs when it comes to cleaning and tidying up, to the extent we don’t really find it funny when Sheldon from ‘The Big Bang Theory’ thought a party where he got to clean up his friends’ closet was a great one. Boy, that IS a dream!

If you drop litter on a street in any Belarusian city, at best you will be met with scorn and looks sending you to the hottest part of the hell. Someone might approach you and say ‘excuse me, I believe you have dropped something, you should pick it up’. Those who prefer passive aggression to a polite but open confrontation would roll their eyes murmuring ‘oh, that must be a Russian, huh?’

I can’t really say where it’s coming from, and why it’s so deeply enshrined into Belarusians. (Sometimes I think it might have become a part of our genes) My best guess is that it’s our way to gain control over at least something in our lives. We’ve hardly had any democracy in the past hundreds of years, the opportunities for professional development and wealth-building are extremely limited (unless you move elsewhere), so if you are not ready to move to a different country, there’s only so much you can do to have a grip in your life. Picking up litter and keeping your flat tidy is one of the few.

4. Tell them your main holiday of the year is the New Year. Christmas is fine, but you’re actually celebrating two each year!

Telling a foreigner about the winter holidays protocol in Belarus is the easiest way to confuse him or her. Let’s start with the Christmases (yes, there are two of them!)

While the majority of Belarusians are Orthodox Christians, about a quarter of the population are Catholics and Protestants. To reflect that, the country celebrates both the ‘regular’ Christmas (December 25^th) and the Orthodox Christmas, which takes place on January 7^th. At the same time, decades of the Soviet ban on religion and religious holidays have not passed unnoticed. During the Soviet times, people were barred from celebrating Christmas(es). As a replacement, the Bolsheviks came up with an idea to have massive New Year’s celebrations every year and adopted some attributes of Christmas, such as decorating a fir tree, exchanging presents, cooking an excessive meal and spending time with your family.

The Belarusian society is pretty secular these days, but we do like to party. Which is why the New Year remain the main holiday for most families. It does not, however, mean that we are not going to sit down for nice meals on December 25^th and January 7^th.

Oh, and there’s more…

5. Keep your Christmas tree up till the end of January

Or maybe even early February, depending on when the Lunar New Year is this year…

The first Christmas my partner and I celebrated together, he was completely appalled at the idea of keeping our Christmas tree and decorations on display past January 5^th.

‘It’s bad luck!’ he said.

‘What about the Orthodox Christmas, the Old New Year and the Lunar New Year?!’ I responded, turning the dispute into a complete cul de sac.

(Spoiler alert – we have managed to compromise, and the tree stays up until January 15^th, that is, the Old New Year).

The concept of the Orthodox Christmas is probably manageable for most of my readers, but what on Earth is Old New Year and why do I insist so relentlessly on celebrating it?

Long story short – any excuse for a party and decorations to brighten up my spirits in the middle of the doom and gloom that the humanity is referring to as ‘winter’. Short story long, the Old New Year is basically a New Year according to the Julian Calendar, which was used by the Russian Empire back in the days. It has remained within some jurisdictions of the Eastern Orthodox Church and, hence, is still celebrated (although not massively) in some former Soviet Union and some Orthodox countries and communities. Most people are quite exhausted by two Christmases and the NY celebrations by then, so we typically limit ourselves to a nice meal and a couple of drinks.

Which brings me to the next item on the list:

6. Splash on the holiday meals

You most certainly need a 3-course meal, with about 5 or 6 starters, at least one main (with a side, for sure!) and at least two puddings. Basically, it’s like an a la carte menu in a restaurant, except for you need to cook all options at once, serve them the same night and then force-feed your family and your guests until they manage to escape your hospitable arms. Oh, and make sure you start your New Year’s shopping early December and buy as much as you can in advance. Then, don’t forget to harass your family, pointing at long shelf-live groceries in the pantry and hissing ‘Nichego ne trogayte, eto na novyy god’ (‘Don’t touch anything, these are for the New Year’s Eve).

Here’s an average menu you can expect from an East Slav on a New Year’s Eve:

• Russian salad (the one with ham, potatoes, peas and whatnot)

• Crab salad (seafood sticks, tinned corn, pickles, onion, egg…) – both come with a ton of mayo

• Salmon canapes

• Red caviar canapes

• Assorted meats

• Main course – most likely chicken or any sort of meat

• A side of potatoes

• Ice cream

• Assorted fruit

The combination of a Soviet past, when most people lived in poverty and deficit of even basic goods and products, with a long-standing tradition of hospitality results in any foreigner visiting a party organised by an East Slav indulging in excessive eating and complaining about how much food has been put on the table. And if you, for some reason, show up a bit early (or – worse – happen to live with an East Slav), you might become a witness to some questionable cooking rituals. Like putting a chicken onto a bottle (that’s a pretty damn good way to keep it upright in the oven and have it cooked evenly!)

Have you ever met or been friends/ partners with a Slavic person? What were the things that surprised you the most about their way of living and thinking? Please share your experience in the comments, I can’t wait to hear other opinions and get an outside look at myself!